$pent Millennial

The other day I saw (another) post about tipping. It seems like everyone has their own (mostly valid) thoughts and ideas on the issue. 

Don’t worry, I am not here to lecture you on why you should absolutely tip 100% at every chance or you are a horrible person. Nor am I here to dig deep into the issue of employers underpaying their employees and passing the burden onto customers. Both valid ideas, but not what we are here for. 

What I am here to share are ways that I handle my own personal experiences and personal footprint amidst a crazier-by-the-day world over which I have very little control. So, that is what I will share on the topic of tipping. 

Here are my whys for tipping (yes, even for counter service offered by a kiosk or mobile app (again, just personal choices)). 

1. How I Was Raised: 

No, this is not an “I was raised right by better parents than you” comment. In fact, the very post I saw was by someone who had a very similar family dynamic and upbringing as I had. It was my sister. (Not really a call out because she posted publicly to the internet. Hi, Sis! xoxo). 

But still, I need to give credit where credit is due, so shout out to my dad! I remember being taught the importance of tipping from a very young age. It was given with the same vehemence as the lessons on treating all people like people. Always thank and acknowledge someone doing any service for you whether it is sweeping the streets, working a crosswalk, helping you through airport security…you get the idea. 

As you probably know, children learn much more from watching and imitating than from just listening. So, I remember much less the words my father used to teach this lesson than I do the experiences I had with him. 

Whenever we stayed in a hotel we would clean up “for housekeeping”. It was their job to help with clean sheets, towels, etc, not to pick up after us. Whenever we would be in the room and see housekeeping we would be polite saying good morning, have a good day all the usual decencies all while calling them by their names. When we stayed somewhere long enough or frequently enough to know the employees a bit better, he would ask about their kids, show genuine interest in their lives, and just acknowledge and treat them like people. And of course, we would tip them. 

Looking back on my childhood, I think it is this treatment of people and these lessons that instilled in me some of the deepest respect I have for my father, watching the respect he showed to others and how it made them feel and respond to us in kind. Somewhere along the line, I attached that respect and admiration to the idea of tipping. And so, it has become ingrained in me as a part of my identity. 

So, I share that not just to give my father, Thomas Patrick Mulroe, Jr., a much-deserved shoutout for his moments of A+ parenting, modeling and overall human-ing, but to share how it became such an important and meaningful part of my identity. Far and above all else, if asked that would be my reason for why I always tip, influencing all the reasons that follow

2. Mobile Order and Kiosk Hell

Now, I have been overpaying for sugared-up milk and espresso beverages. since a time when I was much too young to be getting Starbucks. It was the Iced Caramel Macchiato that got me hooked- still a go-to! It wasn’t just the sweet, sweet ribbons of caramel drizzle sucked through a straw over ice-cold milk and espresso or the jolt of energy the sugar/espresso combo surged into my bloodstream. I loved the very act of stepping into a cold storefront, waiting in line, ordering my drink, and having it made custom for me. I loved every moment of it. 

When I was attending college in Chicago- prime buying $5 lattes I couldn’t afford age-, the mobile order became a thing. I would be waiting for the subway while people ordered their coffees to pick up on the way. I hated the idea. First, I was much too much of a free-spirit. I cannot plan what drink I want before I even get to a place. I can’t even decide which location I would want to stop at. Ordering ahead seemed to really take the poor impulse control out of the equation. I’m not out here calculatedly planning to overspend on lattes. I see the shop, feel the waft of cold A/C, and head in. 

But I digress from the point. The point is, once the mobile order and now kiosks kicked in, it created a whole additional layer of crazy to the barista/ food service-worker experience. I go in and they are trying to make drinks, take orders, and manage their little receipt-printing hellion machine that keeps pumping out demands. Then Crystal marches in (seems like we should give Karen a break, I don’t know if she knows how to mobile order) demanding her drink. Umm, excuse me. They are doing the best they can. If you want it faster, grab an apron. 

So, yeah. Anyone who can manage that level of organized chaos, over-stimulation and pure rudeness can have all my money. Especially if they are going to hand me a delicious cold beverage with ribbons of creamy, sweet caramel over ice-cold milk and espresso- angels on earth! 

3. If a tip is too expensive, I got food at home. 

I add this point in because I have been there. There was a point in my life when I was feeling SO spent. The bills kept coming, I was drowning in debt that seemed to only grow no matter how much I put towards it. Money came in, but it went right back out, and I never felt like I was getting ahead. 

I was spent and I was bitter. I was SO bitter. Why should I tip a barista who is making the same amount of money as I am (or more) when all they are doing is making me a drink (yes, that same very delicious ice-cold caramel espresso beverage) and I am trying to educate children, support families, do real good in the world, but because I do non-profit, education work I make nothing! Did I mention I was bitter? Not my cutest look, y’all. (And to all the beverage barista angels, sandwich-making savants, and everyone else. I apologize. You deserve the world. It was me, not you. I was the problem. Hi. I have healed and am growing. Please forgive me.) (For the record, I was never outwardly rude to any service employees at their place of business. It was an internalized rage, but still…) 

I did eventually look in the mirror and realize, the problem was with me, not the $6 latte or the people making it. I needed to take control over my money and my financial wellness. And I did. I did it by staying my butt home. I did not have the money to buy overpriced lattes or sandwiches. Not if I wanted to prioritize paying down my debt and beginning to build my savings and investments. So, I chose to stay home. I became the Queen (at least to me and my bf) of homemade coffee, homemade breakfast, homemade happy. 

And you know what, I really, really liked it. I actually still love it. I love staying home and making my morning coffee or breakfast burrito exactly how I like it. I love having the extra money to store away for Christmas shopping, car repairs, you name it. And I LOVE when I do go out throwing a few extra bucks at the, now $8, latte to tip the beverage angel who made my order special for me. I love it because I do not feel it. I don’t resent it because I have planned for it. I know if I am going out and going to treat myself that the tip is part of the deal. (Again, for me. It is part of the deal for me bc of the aforementioned and forthcoming reasons). 

This practice of planning for the tip keeps me mindful in the moment, so I don’t become overwhelmed, anxious or otherwise upset by the thought of tipping when asked. It is also a good pulse check. Where are my account and budget at? If a tip is going to feel bad, tight, or stretched, it might be a time to choose some food at-home options. Pick something up from the market or do a cabinet/ fridge dive instead. 

If the thought of tipping feels triggering ot me in the moment, it is an opportunity to pause and think about what deeper need isn’t being met or what inside me isn’t balanced, because it isn’t the thought of givng a few extra bucks to hard-working service employees. 

4. Tipping Feeds My Abundance Mindset

When living in a mindset of abundance, it is easy for me to tip because I know there is more than enough, and I believe that when I put more into the world, more will be returned to me. This is how I choose to live, intentionally setting my focus on this and doing the work and practices to avoid falling into scarcity thoughts or mindset. To me, tipping feels abundant and feeds my abundance mindset. 

5. It Opens Me Up

Following the idea of abundance, tipping has the overall effect of opening me up. It feels like a more generous, unclenched, open version of myself. The saying goes, you cannot receive with a closed fist- or something like that. So, if I try too hard to clench what I have holding it close to my chest in a closed fist, only plucking out the bare minimum necessary to get by, it will also be harder for me to let more good in. 

I know I have gotten a bit “Woo hoo”, but that’s who I am. Take it or leave it. But, if you are on the fence, give it a try: 

1. Clench your fist, maybe both fists. 
2. Hold them tight into your body. 
3. Pretend you are trying to keep a slippery eel, or a wiggly puppy to your chest as they fight you to escape your grip. 
4. Take in how you feel. 

Now, try this: 

1. Let go. 
2. Move your arms away from your chest. (It’s okay. You don’t want the eel anyway and the puppy will come back to you once it sniffs everything in sight) 
3. Now drop your arms completely away from your body. 
4. Unclench your fists. 
5. Breathe. 

Feel the difference? 

When I was bitter, grumbling about every dime spent on tips and trying to maintain hold of a slippery eel I didn’t even want, scared my puppy would escape and leave me forever, I felt horrible. I felt tense and stressed. 

It was only by doing the work in myself, changing my perspective and aligning my actions and decisions with my internalized values and ideals that I was able to let go. This has brought me to a place where I can tip freely or decide if it is a time to eat/drink at home. 

I am not a millionaire, I still work in nonprofit education, my life hasn’t changed that drastically- beyond what I have changed in it- , but the way I approach it has. And it has made all the difference. 

So, here I am another rando babbling about my opinion on tipping on the internet. I just felt inspired to share just in case it might speak to anyone else. 

I’m not going to ask where you stand on tipping. There are enough internet wars on that where anyone is free to share their thoughts. Instead, I ask you to think about a value or ideal that was instilled in you. What is it? How did you first become drawn to it? How do you live it in your day-to-day life? 

Stay groovy, and remember it is okay to let it go sometimes. You just might feel better.