$pent Millennial

Dear Reader,

I am over it. Over everything.

Lately, I’ve been stuck in that hamster-wheel feeling—spinning and spinning, unsure of the point. Wondering when I’ll get off, or if I even can.

This past week especially, the heaviness felt thicker. Maybe it’s six months straight of bad news. Or the familiar ache of watching the rich get richer while the rest of us just try to stay afloat. Maybe it’s finally having a warm, sunny day in Wisconsin—only to be met with another air quality alert. 

It’s hard not to feel worn down.

And sometimes, when I get lost in the wallowing, I forget my own privilege.

That happened this weekend.

Yesterday morning, I climbed into my Jeep, running late to pick up my younger brother for our monthly Budget Club—yes, my siblings and I have a Budget Club where we talk money, goals, and how we’re doing with spending and saving. This month, we were going to do it at the laundromat— thanks to the unreliable on-site laundry at my apartment that had been staining my clothes (Over it!). I was already slightly annoyed, in the way that rushed Saturday mornings tend to make me feel, when I turned the key and… nothing.

Silence.

What is this? This isn’t how it goes. I turn the key, the Jeep starts. That’s the deal.

But this time… nothing.

Panic crept in. Is this it? Did it die? No warning signs, no goodbye.

I called my boyfriend first. Then my sister. Then my brother to let him know I couldn’t pick him up and that Budget Club was off for today. Then I sat there.

I sat in my car that wouldn’t start, and thought.

First, I thought about how annoyed I was and how annoying my morning was being. I was annoyed at the inconvenience, at the interruption to my already busy morning, and  at the way things break without notice.

Second, I thought about how absurdly expensive cars are. I opened up my phone browser and started scrolling (out of curiosity) and gasped at the cost of used 4Runners. When did used cars get so expensive!?

Then, I  thought a much quieter, grounding thought.

I am really fortunate.

My boyfriend—who just so happens to be a mechanic—was already on his way to check it out.

It was Saturday. I had no urgent place I needed to be.

If it came to it, my job is flexible. I could figure it out.

I even have a (very modest) car maintenance and repair sinking fund. A little cushion I’ve been building just in case.

And, this didn’t happen last weekend while I was in Chicago. It happened at home.

I sat in that realization for a while.

Because the truth is: this was inconvenient. But not catastrophic.

There are people who don’t have access to a vehicle at all. And for many who do, this kind of breakdown would be more than an annoying blip—it would be a full-blown crisis.

I am fortunate.

So I did my laundry at home instead of at the laundromat- no stains, mercifully. This gave me the opportunity to walk my dog while it dried.- letting him take his time, lead the way, and explore. And later, I strolled to a favorite neighborhood café with my sister.

A pretty charmed Saturday- all things considered. 

As I headed out on my walk to the cafe, a neighbor who had seen my boyfriend under the hood earlier asked if we’d gotten it running. I told him it was going to be okay.

And it will be.

I understand that we are not in some kind of competition to determine who has the hardest struggle. Just because someone else has it “worse” doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel what I feel. Just because someone else’s situation is more difficult doesn’t mean my stuff isn’t hard.  But I do try to stay mindful. Grounded. Aware of what is hard and what is good.

Because the reality is: I’m still over it. The broken systems, the bad news, the injustice. I’m over all of that.

But I’m also reminded—I’ll get over this.

Until next week—take care and be well,
Everett