$pent Millennial

It’s March, we made it! Although we still have a few more weeks of official winter, March always marks a point of hope for me. The days are lighter, things get a bit more green, and there’s this subtle shift in the air that whispers of new beginnings. As nature wakes up from its hibernation, it always feels like a part of me does too. There is renewal in the air, and it’s contagious. 

I planned for this post to focus on the joy and excitement of making it to March- focusing on the hope, possibilities, and renewed energy that the shifting of the seasons always brings me. That was Tuesday. Now, it’s Saturday, and if I am being honest -which is why we are all here- I’m tired. And while we are being honest, by tired I actually mean exhausted. I am exhausted. 

Those are the exact words I texted my boyfriend who has been out of town for work this week. Yesterday, as I was finishing out an overwhelming workweek filled with deadlines, reports, and meetings, I texted him to let him know I am, in fact, exhausted. 

Why did I feel a need to text him this? To inform him that due to my state of exhaustion, I would be doing absolutely nothing on Sunday. Did I really text my boyfriend 2-day notice that I would be “clocking out” on a Sunday?!? “Heads up, you’ll have to cover this shift”? 

Now, before anyone gets self-righteous on my behalf, my boyfriend isn’t terrible. He is actually wonderful. I do not have to ask permission to be “off”. Not from him at least. He is actually probably thrilled since he always tells me I am horrible at relaxing and tries so hard to do what he can to help make sure I don’t have to “do so much all the time”. No, he is not the problem. These are self-inflicted wounds. 

The person I was seeking permission from was myself. That naggy voice in the back of my head was already telling me how I absolutely couldn’t rest Saturday because there are things to do darn it! And if I choose to rest Sunday, well who is going to make breakfast? Will everything be ready for the week? What if the world is about to end, and they need me, of all people, to be ON IT! 

Anyone else? Just me? Neurotic, Party of One? 

As I sit writing this, the sun is shining, my sister is on a morning run, and I feel like I should be out there enjoying and appreciating every moment of this Marchness I have waited for. But, I’m exhausted. 

And yet, even in my exhaustion, I have a list of To Dos to check off today before I will “allow” myself to truly dwell and exist in my exhaustion. Today’s list includes: 

• Finishing and posting this blog post 
• Tracking and recording my spending from the week
• Paying my bills
• Reviewing my budget 
• Inventorying my groceries
• Picking up whatever groceries are needed 
• Getting ready for an event 
• Attending an event 

The event goes ‘til 9 tonight. So, by the time I come home from that, I suppose I will give myself permission to rest and be exhausted. Unless my boyfriend who comes home this afternoon needs dinner… in which case I guess I can whip something up first. (Note: This is 100% self-imposed. I’m sure if I didn’t make him something he would figure it out. But I figure if I’m up anyway…) 

Do you hear that? The whispering nag of hustle culture, superwoman syndrome, whatever you want to call it. Even in a post about being exhausted, I felt the need to detail out a list of self-imposed To Dos… for what? To excuse the fact that I have declared tomorrow (Sunday) a do nothing day? 

What can I say? I’m a work-in-progress. And so, today I will do all of those things because they “need” to be done. But, tomorrow I commit to doing nothing beyond what my body and spirit tell me to do. If I make it out for a walk, it will be because I am called to do so in search of life-affirming energy and experience, not because I feel I should. Breakfast will be what it is, and it will be great. Whether it is tortilla chips with guac and pico branded as “Avocado Toast-itos”, or a “takeout treat” line item picked up from a favorite local place – bought instead of fugally homemade, or whatever my bf so thoughtfully whips up because I’m “clocked out,” it will be great. And if the world is about to end, and for some absurd reason I am the only one who can stop it… I guess we are all just SOL.

But seriously, let’s challenge ourselves to break free from the chains of hustle culture and superwoman syndrome. Let’s embrace rest as an act of rebellion, reclaiming our time and our sanity in the process. And let’s remember that it’s okay to be a work-in-progress, to stumble and fall along the way. What matters is that we keep trying, keep learning, and keep growing – one do-nothing day at a time.

So here’s to tomorrow – may it be filled with rest, rejuvenation, and maybe a little bit of reckless abandon. And may we all find the courage to let go of the need to constantly be doing more, and instead, simply be.

With love and solidarity,

One Spent Millennial